Achieving Healthy Relationships through Immaculate Love
How can we use the practice of Golden Silence to mend our relationship with our youth?
We conjoin with Immaculate Love through the Path of Silence. Our youth is where we start right now because they can no longer wait for us to “get it together”. We’ve already left them to suffer unmentionable fates by allowing a society seeped in dysfunction define how we would relate to our own children. Into a dysphoric sleep we fell, leaving our precious children to survive by their own devices that exposed them to living lives far too old for them to experience. Awakening ever so slowly, it seemed that we forgot, not only who we are, but who they are to us. Shocked by their standards, our disdain for their culture (i.e., style of clothing, music, language, behavior and violence) became the popular conversation. Yet, even with their population in cemeteries and industrial prison complexes soaring, their condition still hasn’t quite become urgent enough to rally a powerful, solidified national movement. Forgetting how to love ourselves, we forget how to love our children. When we know what Love truly is, not what it masquerades as, we will continuously avail ourselves to its Immaculate quality. This is what aligns us with the golden path of Silence, the fertile garden of truth that resides within us all, the home of the harmonic cosmic conscience.
The crux of this article applies to all youth of all ages. When we communicate from a place of love to our youth, we are teaching them that they matter and that both they and their feelings have relevance, even if we don’t agree or understand what they are feeling. Whether they like it or not or whether we care to admit it or not, how we feel about our youth aids their growth or promotes their feelings of inadequacy and self-worthlessness. We adults demonstrate to youth daily, our own or young ones we pass in our communities, by the tone of our voice or by the look in our eyes, whether we have love for them or disdain.
When we smile at young people, especially those we hold in judgment, perhaps because their bodies may be covered with tattoos, wearing sagging pants, or behaving loudly and distastefully, we may be adding a glimmer of light to an otherwise very challenged life. We cannot pretend to know the story this child carries daily to school or to the streets. We don’t know if their parents have failed them with abuse or abandonment or if they’re rebelling because these are the years designated in their life cycle to rebel. A kind gesture could, however, save the life of a child/teenager/adult, whose greatest challenge at the time you smiled at them was feeling that they deserved love and could receive it. That smile may free them momentarily of a self-judgment that was tearing a seam in the fabric of their being. Are you aware that the third leading cause of death for a teen is suicide? Many of these young people’s cries for help go unheard.
Before we go on, let us make a clarification of terms, if you do have disdain for your child’s or a child’s behavior; please differentiate between behavior and identity. A child is NEVER bad, but a child may exhibit “bad” behavior. However, if a child hears that he/she is “bad” long enough, they begin to believe that and strive to achieve what is expected of them. You may be asking yourself if you have a challenged relationship with a child/teen how can you show love for someone for whom you have no respect? How can you show a youth love when you find their behavior unacceptable, even damaging to others? How can you touch the heart of a youth who feels closed and angry? I will to illustrate an answer to this question in the following story.
For many years, I’ve utilized public transportation in the Los Angeles, D.C. and in East Bay areas. Sadly, I’ve had occasion to hear many examples of verbal child abusiveness that the parent dosing it out seemed to be deaf to their abusiveness. I even stepped up a number of times and was met by accord or discord. Once years ago, while riding on a very crowded bus, I heard a young woman calling her child out of its name and degrading the child so much, that I found myself stir-crazy in my seat. After asking the person I was seated by to keep my seat for me for a bit, I made my way to the back of the bus. A brother gave me his seat and I was knee to knee with mother and toddler son. It was all SPIRIT from there. Somehow, and quite quietly, I engaged the mother in conversation, complimenting her on how adorable her son was. She said, “yeah, but he’s bad.” Ah, she opened the door for me, for the spirit of Motherhood, of loving Parenthood to reach through me and speak to that young woman. I heard myself distinguish for her the difference between calling a child’s behavior bad and the child bad. I heard myself telling her of all the anguish that that young child harbored every time she yelled obscenities to him. I heard myself telling her ways to calm herself as I complimented how hard she must have to work to bring this beautiful young boy up in this world all by herself. I hadn’t really looked at her before I started the lessons of self-love and how her loving her would teach him to love himself, to love her, to love womanhood and to achieve great manhood. When I did finally come eye to eye with her, she exclaimed, “Oh my God, your Ceswanne’s Mom, aren’t you? Don’t you remember me and my sister? When I was a teenager, we lived in the same complex as you and your husband and son!” We laughed and cried together, the two of us, feeling a sacred bond being shared between mothers. She thanked me profusely telling me that she didn’t want to be a bad mother, but she was under so much pressure and felt that the boy’s daddy should be helping him.
I told her that my son’s Dad often didn’t help me and, would even go out of his way to cause me great problems, forgetting his responsibility as a father, because he hadn’t the example he needed either. Doing the work alone can cause a single mother great despair, and it did, but it did not cause me to abuse my son. He was my Sun, and I would not let my son hate his Dad nor would I show hatred for his father. A child who hates either of his/her parents will invariably turn that hatred into self-hatred. Their wholeness will fracture into pieces of a person unable to attain balance and harmony in their life, unable to have truly healthy relationships because they would not be able to accept themselves as worthy of love. Self-love is a crucial ingredient to self-respect, compassion for others and inner peace.
That day that I shared my non-judgmental self with that young lady in the back of the bus, who was taking out her turmoil on her little son was a great day for the maturation of my spirit. I have to tell you that as I gave that child back to his mother and began my trek back through the crowd to my seat, I got a sense of how that act of love was received by others who witnessed the change that took place within the heart and behavior of that young mother, too. There were a number of whispered, “thank you, Baby,” or “thank you, Sister,” depending on the age of the person speaking to me. I could feel their pride that a successful intervention taken on behalf of both child and mother had taken place right under their eyes. The most memorable expressions of gratitude came from some of the elders. A few of them touched by leg as I passed by them, others reached out their hand to mine and held it briefly, lovingly. I had become their messenger and they were proud of the success. They were proud of my parents and grandparents, of all the adults I had listened to, even if it took me a while myself to receive their guidance. The elders, who heard and/or witnessed the abusive behavior that baby was receiving, wanted to teach that young woman, but were afraid of her retaliation. When I stepped up, I was representing them, too. By the time I reached my seat, I was brimming over with love and gratitude.
That experience exemplified Immaculate Love! I sat still, hearing the voice of an angry young mother taking her frustration, pain, fear and feelings of abandonment onto the spirit of a small child, who would wear that pain, be scarred by it, for perhaps his entire life. He could easily become the purse snatcher or rapist, the drive-by shooter, the abusive spouse or parent, feeling powerless and unloved. His calls for love wouldn’t be perceived as such because by the time he really acted out, no one would be able to see the wounded toddler, berated by a mother who was unconsciously teaching what she had learned. I sat still and listened to the Inner Voice that called my heart to spring into action.
By listening to and following the guidance of Divine Spirit, I was able to accept the directive as a vehicle of healing and loving words for a dispirited young woman. No words came out of me, but they came through me and I became a Light for a wounded spirit. This is Immaculate Love. It holds no judgment and expects no reward. It simply is!
When we take a moment to take a breath, close our eyes and quiet our minds, we are able to connect directly to Divine Grace, and, our behavior becomes divinely graceful. In the Silence, we are safe to surrender to this holy place where calm and serenity hold court. In this stillness, we are shown how to laugh in the midst of great challenge and how to find love in the midst of great warfare. It is in this place where we find the answers to our life’s questions and where we learn the language of love.
It is in this Silence that we hear what we need to say to another to teach a lesson that may not be received when our ego is directing the conversation. Had I chastised that young mother, I would have aided in her in feeling even more inadequate than she had already felt. She would have taken my words as further judgment saying that her feelings weren’t valid and that she was a bad mother. Who knows what more feelings about her own self-worthlessness would have caused her to do to herself or her baby. She would not have heard the wisdom of an older mother, whose love was presented to help move through her overwhelming emotions without adversely affecting the well being of herself or her son. She would not have felt the unconditional love that came through my heart as a hand to grasp to help her rise from the pit of despair to the light of hope.
This is a treasured health gem. When you are presented with a challenge whether it is in the form of a task, a situation, a financial condition or relationship, take a moment to quiet your mind as you make the intention to receive divine guidance. Feel peace fill up your being. Whatever is needed for you to move through that challenge will be revealed to you.
When we take our actions from a place of Silence, miracles occur in all of our relationships. We become the vehicle through which these miracles can occur and with greater frequency. Truly, first, the miracle is that we are listening, that we have discovered and are developing the lesson of listening with our hearts, not with our ego. This is the type of surrender that allows us to receive wisdom, which is the second important act. And, lastly, we are able to become one with the wisdom that we receive and act it out daily. Wisdom comes through the Silence as we are given an innerstanding that our challenges are gifts.
Imagine how you can be the gift in the life of a young person, just by having an open heart when you receive them anywhere you see them. Then, imagine that if you listen carefully, from the Silence, you can hear how to connect with them, at times with words, at times, without words. Imagine that you hold the gift of positive reflection to project back onto our youth. Take one step at a time. Engage yourself first in self-love and self-acceptance. Be compassionate with yourself as you grow through your own affairs. Through your own self growth, you become an asset for others who are finding their strength and worth in a world that does not teach them their personal value. Use the peace of Silence to create peaceful relationships with our young ones. Remember, the path of Silence is a practice, and with every practice, there is the commitment of consistency that avails it to success.